Derek Senn

UNCLE MIKE

when Uncle Mike lived in LA and I lived in Toledo he'd send me tapes

of cutting edge songs on KXLU the student run station at Loyola U

I followed him west with my family and while I was studying at UCSB

he said I'm going to Chile and did I want to go whitewater raft the Bio Bio

and we shot those rapids it was a harrowing trip

now that river is a lake they've since dammed it

and we spent Christmas camped high in the Andes

next to a hot spring under the stars what a gift

and while we were down there I visited a crush she was on exchange in Argentina

and that crush is now my wife I'm glad I went to Chile with uncle Mike

and several years later his sense of adventure was fully intact

and I can prove it with this fact I suggested to him when he moved here to SLO

you should bicycle across American and goddamn if he didn't go

over three thousand miles from west to east

across the great plains over the Cascades and the Rockies

Mike traveled far off the mainstream and opened up my mind to myriad things

these are just a few snippets of how he shaped my life I should have said it sooner

thank you Mike

Derek Senn - vocals, acoustic guitar

Jason Slota - drums

John Vanderslice - mini moog

Rob Shelton - farfisa compact deluxe, mini moog

FIFTY-FIFTY SHOT

James and Cassandra called it quits

the twins are twenty-one months Elizabeth is six

they both swear it's not due to the kids its due to the kids

and if you still believe in world peace then you haven't yet met Dave and Elise

they scream at each other I hate you just a few months ago they said I do

relationships blossom relationships rot everyone starts with a fifty-fifty shot

should you lawyer up hire the best if you're a woman I hope you live in the west

things got ugly with Kate and Ben when he took their infant son to his ex girlfriends

the baby was screaming and so he thought the best way to soothe him

was to let him suckle on her breast to him it seemed logical

she was lactating and his was a hungry inconsolable baby

the ex was more than happy to oblige Kate was the woman she most despised

and everyone starts with a fifty-fifty shot Ben's odds were even but now they're not

Ben meant well but dudes are dumb dude don't ever let your ex wet nurse your son

Derek Senn - vocals, acoustic guitar

Jason Slota - drums, tambourine

John Vanderslice - mini moog

Rob Shelton - upright piano, farfisa compact deluxe

LA TELE

my girl and me we ain't got no TV she won't allow it she says I'm a slave to it

instead we read and drink our tea and we act smug no TV for us

occasionally we'll watch TV at Chuck & Ginny's or circuit city

in many conversations we cannot comment they're about TV about things we never see

in the days of old there was radio

the family would gather around it and listed to the sound of it

and what TV has force fed  they'd make up in their heads

sounds nice to me I'm in the minority

resistance is futile like computers and email says my good friend my techno junkie friend

but I'm idealistic and totally nostalgic kill your TV It'll set you free

Derek Senn - vocals, acoustic guitar

Jason Slota - drums, tambourine, tympani

John Vanderslice - moog source

David Phillips - pedal steel

Doe Eye - tambourine

THE WINTER RAINS

the winter rains they pick her up waking to the slow rain it picks her up

she parks the car scurries into work she's sitting in her office her meticulous office

the summer rains she pictures them sitting in her office her meticulous office

dark and mean and thundering just that side of the porch screen

the autumn rains she sits in them cozy in her auto her meticulous auto

she reclines and retracts the roof to the clapping thunderous clapping

Derek Senn - vocals, acoustic guitar

Jason Slota - drums, clave, xylophone

Rob Shelton - grand piano, hammond a-100

J

I started the day leafing through the paper there were the usual killings births engagements

obituaries a story on malfeasance work was forgetful I drove home like that prick

that gotta get there quick prick and I feel funereal while my kids laugh and play

my mom buried her brother today

she's the oldest one I'm her only son her brother Mills got killed in 'Nam

and her mom my grandma never saw forty-five and he was her oldest boy she named him J

my mom buried her brother today

and his laugh was a sardonic chuckle and his wit tinder dry

and he had a wood shop he made cool shit and had a spirit DIY

Dallas Texas eleven seven twenty fourteen clear skies rolling hills grass manicured and green

I wasn't in attendance but that's what they say you're helpless two time zones away

my kid sister's wedding was the last time I saw J and we had quite a time

my wife got hair extensions just to mark the occasion those Bo Derek braids

and some years later that union imploded and some years later J fell ill

and his wife Frosty cared for him through those last days of his life

Derek Senn - vocals, acoustic guitar

Jason Slota - drums, tambourine

John Vanderslice - moog source

David Phillips - dobro

TONGUE AND GROOVE

we're in the throes of the remodel of the guest restroom

we painstakingly chose the style of tile and the type of tub

but not without heated debate

Oh how I hate to debate with my spouse on matters concerning the house

she's got a pricey aesthetic I do the cheapest thing possible

she burns whole afternoons researching vanity sconces I do the cheapest thing possible

and when I lived in Ecuador we just had a hole in the goddamn floor

and the guest restroom well it worked just fine but she insisted it was dated

and I worry she'll never be sated she's a horn dog for improvement porn blogs

she's like a fetishist she's always suggesting crazy shit

I'm not always OK with it but I try to be game giving and game to fuel the flame

that's why I surprised her with hardwood I put it in myself without any help

tongue and groove and tongue and groove

and she was elated but I worry she'll never be sated

Derek Senn - vocals, acoustic guitar

John Vanderslice - vocals

Jason Slota - drums, shaker

Rob Shelton - grand piano

STEVE RENTS AMY'S ISLAND

Steve likes Virginia bourbon Steve drives a cherry red convertible

but she won't convert she's perpetually topless

Steve winters where Steve chooses to winter Steve summers at his plush place on the lake

Steve used to rough it on Amy's island  way way way way back in the day

Steve married a southern belle  who suffered through several summers of hell

stuck on Amy's island way way way way back in the day

said southern belle pushed for the plush place she wanted plumbing and electricity

she's still got her old chamber pot but now she just uses it for decor

and he just rents it out now Steve rents Amy's island he just rents it out now

and sometimes when Steve gets wistful for bygone days

he'll yank on the Johnson until it comes to life and he'll sputter out to Amy's island

where he'll sit on the granite and watch the moonrise

with a whiskey and something to smoke

same as he did on her island  way way way way back in the day

Steve used to rough it on Amy's island

Derek Senn - vocals, acoustic guitar

Jason Slota - drums

Rob Shelton - hammond a-100

Johnn Vanderslice - mini moog

David Phillips - pedal steel

MONICA LEWINSKY

Monica Lewinsky you wanna lay low with me I can keep you hid here in Spokane

Monica Lewinsky you wanna lay low with me I will role play your strongman

I will play your president your dictator your governator

I'll keep prying eyes from you and I'll buy you fifty shades of blue

you will play my concubine my cinderella the occasional fella

tabloid also-rans wallpaper checkout stands and there you were above the jerky

and the weight loss bars between emaciated stars looking like a caught escapee

and where does the time go your tryst was twenty years ago

and now you're bearing down on barren years

and I can see why you would absolutely not want to bring a kid into this world of cruelty

but we could still start a brood and live off of our own food

and keep the kids away from the checkout and the high powered magazines that shoot their mama

and plenty say that you deserve it and those that do deserve to be

trapped in the corner of an oval room

Monica Lewinsky you can't erase history but you can write your future in Spokane

Monica Lewinsky I'm down here on one knee everyone deserves a second chance

and I think you could love a damaged man if anyone can love me you can

Derek Senn - vocals, guitar

Jason Slota - drums, vibraphone, shaker

John Vanderslice - moog source

David Phillips - dobro

VIETNAM

My time had come to go and I wanted to know what went on on the outside

so I enlisted for a tour in Ecuador I wish I'd studied Spanish more

I deplaned with a grin short on oxygen and a family took me in

I picked up broken Spanish splayed out in their hammock from dubbed dialogue

Pam Anderson's boss played by Hasselhoff taught me how to talk

and I got confident I walked with a certain bent and I made friends excellent

and we bused it to the coast and we danced salsa stoned in Esmeraldas

Mills enlisted so his time came to go it was Ontario or go

he crossed his first state line toe tapped to the time of his kick drum heart

and he landed in Chu Lai where he was assigned to Suicide Mike

welcome overseas here's an M-16 be all that you can be

military glamour throwin' down the hammer lets fuck some shit up

the smell of fear and sweat I don't want to die yet I'm as scared as scared can get

and a kill in Vietnam makes a single mom so if you see my boy

let him know he taught me love he taught me what is love

would you tell him he is loved

Derek Senn - vocals, acoustic guitar

Jason Slota - drums

John Vanderslice - mini moog

Ron Shelton - hammond a-100, grand piano, mini moog

David Phillips - pedal steel

THE BIKING FAMILY

I know this guy he sold his automobile and now he bikes everywhere

his daughter sits on the back and reads a book on the way to school

it's pretty cool and his wife rides beside them she pulls a dog in a trailer

I'd be at spinning class hauling ass and they'd pass by the window

and my ex used to say find more time for your boy and for me

I get my boy all day Sunday and Monday morning I drop him at school

he used to ride in the back playing apps tap tap tap on that app

and we'd pull up to the stoplight alongside the biking family

and eighty nine percent of what we had we did not need

and eighty nine percent of what I did was to get what we did not need

and so I sold the automobile and now we bike everywhere

my boy sits on the back and we chat on the way to school it's pretty cool

Derek Senn - vocals, acoustic guitar

Melanie Senn - vocals

Jason Slota - drums, surdo

John Vanderslice - moog source

David Phillips - pedal steel

SOUTH DAKOTA LADY

I heard her say on the radio I want heartland values extended to all

and after the fall of the secular state the stars all aligned in the perfect place

and she got her way hers was a cause celebre amongst those who never make mistakes in bed

Devona never saw the morality play  it was hard enough to get to her job each day

she bused an hour to a quickie mart gig  the neighbor kept a lazy eye on her four kids

the dads of whom were not exactly kicking down still she gave it up for them when they came around

kid number five she knew she couldn't have but heartland values said too fucking bad

pro life pro death penalty interesting philosophy

morality can be so cruel they'll put you on a pedestal then kick it out from under you

so this overzealous South Dakota lady flew Pierre to Colorado Springs

she went to receive an award of commendation  from a mega mega mega mega church congregation

we thank thee for fighting for life's sanctity in your honor we planted a red delicious tree

so the unwanted kid had it bad born with a habit never could kick it

twenty three years of sordid details don't merit repeating but the last one does

because he was fixing for his latest fix when he hit up the grocery

 she was there fresh from the ceremony cap in clerk cap in her cap in cash register

the clerk dies she survives he gets apprehended and she testifies

she says I was there I saw what he did and I want to see the motherfucker executed

such harsh words from a heartland wife  hell bent on protecting the sanctity of life

well she gets her wish and sits in front of Devona whose offspring she legislated into being

and with the flick of a switch and an agonized shout she gets to see the sanctity of life snuffed out

pro life pro death penalty interesting philosophy

morality can be so cruel  they'll put you on a pedestal then kick it out from under you

Derek Senn - vocals, acoustic guitar

Jason Slota - drums

Rob Shelton - rhodes, mini moog, farfisa compact deluxe

THE DRINKY DRINK

I love the drinky drink

The drinky drink makes my mouthy mouth water

the drinky drink makes my heady head pound harder

but only when I've had too much drinky drink

then I start to think that I don't want no more drinky drink

but my brain says it'll make me feel better

so let's have another drinky drink together

the drinky drink I love the drinky drink

everyday I sit and thinky think about my drinky drink

what's it gonna be tonight's drinky drink for me

my drinky drink will probably be fermented grape juice

I've got a hundred gallons sitting in my bedroom

or maybe Tyler Jones will send me the growler

of his darth delirium the gold medal winner

the drinky drink I love the drinky drink

I shudder to think what I would do without my drinky drink

If I was in a fundamentalist country my head would be chopped off by now

my grandpa's brandy still still might come in handy still

if them political fanaticals renew prohibition I'll be moonshining my drinky drink

I love the drinky drink I love the drinky drink

every time i drink the drinky drink it makes me wanna sing songs

and then I have a little smoky smoke and get a craving for ding dongs

I like to have the drinky drink each night with my dinner

and just for that the church across the street they're telling me I'm a sinner

because I love that drinky drink

I love the drinky drink

Derek Senn - vocals, guitar

Jason Slota - drums, xylophone

John Vanderslice - moog source

Rob Shelton - mini moog